Disconnect and Self-destruct one bullet at a time
Saturday, June 30
I’m all spent and worn out, like a wad of candle wax lying where a candle was a just a few hours before. And to top it all off, volatile ideas once more formed in my mind, like mists of smoke dancing to the tune of seduction, only to vanish before I even got the chance to stain the paper with my mind.
The past week has easily been a hell week for me, not because of academics(although I’d like to point out just how surprisingly heavy this sem’s load is compared to last year), but because of too much free time. Not exactly free time, wasted time to be more precise, that stemmed from my non-existent time management skills. And it was during those idle ill-wasted hours that my mind started to rot.
The past week now just seems distant and blurry, as if the events in my life were just some part of a movie I’m subserviently watching. All I remember is being pissed off at one thing or another, and then just silence and emptiness after all the hatred and rage has chewed up and burnt up my insides. At one point, I think I was suicidal, but there was no bitterness or resignation, just the dull ache of the afterimage of these emotions. It wasn’t about not being able to withstand the pressures of life, in fact it seemed that life has lost its hassles, and it was just clear that death is inevitable, and what happens between birth and death is simply insignificant. So why don’t we just speed things up?
I dunno what’s wrong with me...
It might as well be thinking that something’s wrong with me.
thrown by A.Paul @ 00:09,
1 Comments:
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At 06:04,
said...
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doesnt it feel so good feeling human? most of the time id convince myself that im invincible. i can brave anything. sometimes it even pains me that i can cry over commercials and movies but i cant even cry about whats going on around me. weird. but thankful. coz those moments, which really are moments in the real sense of the word.. enlighten me in a way that i couldnt really describe.
